1Fast400 Forums -> What are you doing up all night?

Speedster

Posted: Jul 9 2005, 02:16 PM

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QUOTE (James70262 @ Jul 9 2005, 01:43 PM)

I drink, smoke(well until recently), have done more than my fair shair of many mind altering substances.... have been jailed for fighting(more than once)(only because I was DRUNK!!) (hehe) have TRERRBLE nutritional/sleep habits...hell I even work myself into a state of exhaustion on a regular basis.... the list could go on... (long list)

A role model...I am not.

I shudder at the thought of a young person looking up to me.

That said, my desire to do the right thing has grown enormously.
I have come to realize that our time hear is just so short. Really it is.

I want to do something meaningfull. Something that has an impact..... maybe I will do this through art. I actually have a lot I would like to say to the world.

Sounds good man. I've done a lot of changing myself over the last year. I used to drink fairly heavily, probobly was bordering on alcoholism and getting myself in a bit of trouble as well. Never was jailed but I have had the cops haul my ass off into the drunk tank. I also smoked like a bastard, did my fair share of drugs and ate like shit. I rarely drink now, am cutting out the smoking and eat for the most part extremely healthy, I just wanted to get myself out of that trap and my life is much better for it. But, I also have gotten to a point where I realize I have to do something with my life and it has to be something with meaning. I actually haven't had a job for over 5 years now.. I've been living off insurance from my car accident I had in 2000. Granted those last 5 years haven't been a total waste, I was in school for most of that time... but in the end I got tired of it and didn't know what I was doing anymore. In that time I have also had a few surgeries, learned how to walk again and basically rehabilitated myself so that I am finally able to function as a productive member of society. My life has improved by leaps and bounds but I now have to concentrate on getting my ass back into the world. My insurance runs out in february so I have to have some form of employment before then. Unfortunetly the only degree I completed was in history, and there are not many options there. For awhile I was in computer sciences but realized it jus twasn't for me, sure I oculd have gotten a well paying job but that is really meaningless to me.. I just wouldn't have felt like I was actually doing something worthwhile for myself or those around me. Like I said I have recently begun to think about councelling because I have been through much adversity myself and pulled through and feel I have something to offer, as well my family and friends feel I have a good connection with people and am always good at helping them through their problems and it always makes me feel better when I can directly help someone else. Many feel as if I have a gift and I feel that I should put it to use and try to make a difference if I can, in particualr I would like to work with young people as I feel especially in this day and age they really are in need of guidence and support. So, my plan is to volunteer at a crisis centre where they will also give mr some training, perhaps I will enjoy it and also get a feel for the field, if so then I will possibly persue it as a career. In the meantime I will still have to find some form of employment though.. very likely somewhere I will not really want to work but it will only be to help provide a means to something better. So, I will see how all this plays out but I do feel I am on a better path. I hope you yourself can find something to bring you more purpose and happiness. Definately your art is a true gift and you may be able to find some way of using that in a meaningful way to have an impact on others. In truth perhpas you are also not so bad of a role model as you may think.. yeah you may have dome some of the wrong things and ended up in trouble for it but many of us have.. and your desire to change things means a lot. Often it is those of us who have made the most mistakes that can be the greatest teachers because we know what it's like to be down and crawl back up.. and come out stronger because of it. You probobly have a many strengths and a lot to offer, you already have the desire to reach out and make a difference and perhaps that's all you really need. There's a whole world out there that could use a hand in many different ways, don't tell yourself that yours isn't good enough. Lets get out there and see what we can do Bro.